The kindness of bloggers

I wasn't going to look at the computer tonight, having spent much of the day shifting far too many cubic meters of rocks in the hot sun.  Exacerbated by the stress of having to reverse a trailer.

I did actually draft, in my head, a blog that ranted on the impossibility of reversing a trailer.

But, when I decided to type out the frustrated, trailer-reversing diatribe, I stumbled across an email, then a blog by Lindsay Mitchell, and all trailer-reversing thoughts detached from the proverbial tow bar.

My last blog was a form of stress release, where I detailed the humiliation of finding myself in a position where I need short term financial help.  I know I will get a job soon, and that job will be well over the minimum wage - well over.  But this doesn't help me in the short term.

I never intended that blog to be a cry for donations.  It was only intended to be a rant about the unfairness of the welfare system.

So, imagine my utter surprise when I read that other bloggers have followed Lindsay's call to financially help humble little (well, kind of little) me, and have so generously offered to help me cover my shortfall.  It's hard to know what to say, or how to articulate the depth of my astonishment and, more importantly, my gratitude.

I suspect part of my problem at not being able to just take the money and be gracious at the same time is Hindu guilt.  Catholic guilt seems feeble in comparison.  Not that it's a competition.  Or perhaps it is.

I've always been taught that there is always (probably) someone worse off than me.  This is undoubtedly true.  And I hope that I too can help them in the same way that people - in my case, complete strangers, only united by blogs - have been so kind to me.

I know today's blogging event provides an important lesson to me, but I am ashamed that this lesson hasn't yet broken through the shock of the kind gestures.  When it does, I will definitely be blogging the revelation.

In the meantime, I must remember that while I may feel utterly lost, depressed and alone after a number of humiliating experiences, the reality is far different.  I have my good health, my loving family, my beautiful children, my non-judgmental friends, and a community of the kindest bloggers anyone could wish for.

For the first time in a long long long time, I have a feeling I will be sleeping a little better tonight.  And smiling a little more for my children tomorrow.

Thank you.  I love you all, and I will wait for the day when I can either repay your kindness, or shout you a drink (which is also a kind gesture, I suppose!).