Thursday, April 1, 2010

Battery crème eggs

What is this disgusting abomination that is passing off (passing away???) as a crème egg?

A small confession might be relevant here. I have actually only consumed two crème eggs in my lifetime. The first was in 1998. The second one this afternoon.

I didn't enjoy the 1998 crème egg. That sickly sweetness remains ingrained on my taste buds.

I only subjected myself to today's crème egg because I was curious to taste if they had improved at all.

I found the 1998 experience disgusting. But I never recalled them being this revolting.

Forgive me now for going into crème eggs in more detail. The chocolate tasted like baby milk formula (those familiar with baby formula will identify with the stench that I refer to). The texture of the chocolate was soggy and oily, and left a powdery substance (anthax? Gib dust?) on one's tongue that refuses to wash away. And the filling…..ugh. That's the best description I can provide. The consistency was of curdled milk (or perhaps rotting yolk) with undissolved granules (sugar? Gib dust? Anthrax?). And the sweetness was worse than I remembered.

No drink or food consumed since the fateful crème egg error of this afternoon has removed the flavour coating my mouth and relevant digestive organs. Not even toothpaste and mouth wash.

I am stunned that there is a market for this horror.

On the plus side, I know my hips are safe from further crème eggs, and any weight gain from this point on will be due entirely to water retention.

2 comments:

Oswald Bastable said...

Did you know chocolate has an alowable level of cockroach parts in it?

They like it too and it's near impossible to keep the little buggers out!

http://dbs.umt.edu/research_labs/emlenlab/Arethereroachesinyourcoffeeandchocolate.pdf.pdf

Lindsay said...

Loosely related, what is it with teenage boys? My 11 year-old wanted me to hide her easter eggs around the garden as I have always done. The 15 year-old didn't want a bar of it. But this morning had to ruin her fun going around telling her where they were hidden! I Don't think he did it to be mean-spirited as much as to be not missing out on the fun.