Monday, August 22, 2011

Coffee deprivation homicide

There are three golden rules in life:
1. Nothing works.
2. Everything sucks
3. Everyone you meet is either an idiot or plotting against you.

Being an optimistic and sunny person, I have no problem accepting that this is all an unavoidable part of life and may even play a valuable role in shaping the human condition by teaching us humility through suffering. All I ask is that somebody pays for it.

It’s about time people who indifferently ruin other people’s lives every day were jailed alongside the criminals who do it on purpose.

In fact I would like to see criminal prosecutions for the CEO of every company that delivers a crappy product that ruins your life in some small way.

Let me give you an example. Having offloaded a good $30 on a coffee plunger in an earnest effort to stop spending $5 a day on my morning coffee, I put the required scoops of coffee into the pot, filled it up with hot water, and waited, shutting my eyes against the familiar head thump when I've left my morning coffee too late.  When it looked dark and foreboding enough, I gently depressed the top plunging thingy.  In normal circumstances, it is supposed to simply crush the coffee into the bottom of the plunger so as to extract every bitter ounce of caffeine possible.  It is not supposed to separate from the base so that it no longer plunges, and then decide to jam into an awkward position so that I can't tip out the coffee beneath it.  Until the glass accidentally drops out of the handle bit and smashes all over the sink.  Naturally this all had to happen at work, in day one of my new job, when I was wearing a white shirt.  Just before a meeting with my new staff.  Fuck you, coffee plunger.

Businesspeople who profit from faulty goods should be removed from society, locked up, wiped out and expunged like the parasites they are. Destroy the bastards in one fell swoop, before they destroy our lives, one tiny disappointment at a time.

Disclaimer: This blog was written before the author had her first cup of coffee for the day.


Kiwiwit said...

It's your own fault. Before you delete my comment, please let me explain.

Your coffee plunger was no doubt a cheap Chinese imitation of a Danish one. The Danish one wouldn't have broken the first time you used it, but it would have cost you $120 rather than $30.

The reason you bought a cheap Chinese one is because the New Zealand economy is so poked from years of government mismanagement that cheap crap imports are all most NZers can afford. We buy unsafe second hand Japanese cars, poor quality Vietnamese appliances, dangerous Chinese kids toys and even reprocessed Asian foodstuffs (that Asians wouldn't eat). We buy most of this crap at stores like The Warehouse that have sent thousands of smaller retailers of quality products to the wall.

I recently bought an excellent Italian coffee machine for home. It is made out from cast brass, makes better coffee than most cafe machines, and will last longer than I will. But it cost over $2000.

Most NZers can't afford good quality Italian products. We've become a third world economy and we have to put up with third world quality. We make this choice every time we elect another profligate Socialist government (like the current one) so its time we stopped whinging and expecting to have a first world lifestyle.

Opinionated Libertarimum said...

I'm not going to delete your comment. Although your rant bores me.

Is drinking coffee a "first world lifestyle"? I think a large portion of the world's population in Asia, South America, the Middle East, and Africa would disagree with you. Even if I could spend $2,000 on a coffee machine for 1 cup of coffee a day, I wouldn't.